The Needs of the Many...

Finish that sentence. "Outweigh the needs of the few" is what most people would say. Indeed, that's an old saying of Surak, which Spock mentions just before his sacrifice. For the most part... this has been my attitude. As Ship's counselor, I am more or less obligated to put my personal feelings aside, in order to help the other people in my ship. However... that cannot always apply. Even counselors need a break sometimes, where they can be selfish about how they feel... right?

Why am I speaking of this?

Well... the ship has had visitors. One of them is the dark doppelganger of Ensign Harry Kim. He had been in communication with people from Voyager, as well as other timelines, and generally made himself appear to be a womanizer and a pest. But then... he transported over. He was utilizing a sophisticated cloak/phase device, making himself both invisible and mostly insubstantial. Before he was captured, he managed to heist technology, schematics... and assault Shara. He put her into a coma that lasted days. I also got a first-hand taste of the effects of his phase technology - he got scared out of my office, and passed through me; it felt like someone had blasted me with arctic air, and I could sense his thoughts. He was enjoying the fact that we could not catch him, and looked on us with great contempt. Lt. Commander Archer managed to capture him, though, with Seven of Nine's technological adaptations aiding her.

Shara has awakened from her coma, but there seem to be deleterious effects - what an experienced gamer would call a DOT - Damage Over Time. The Doctor is working tirelessly to find out how to stop the damage, and Shara has not yet told her Harry about it. She's afraid that he will worry himself sick, but I've advised her that he should still be told, and that he will not be the only one worrying about her.

As for the prisoner, Seven of Nine has taken charge of him. She spends a lot of time in the brig, talking with him. She has also called me down several times, to gain more human perspectives, and to brainstorm ideas on how to get him to reveal information. I'm almost ashamed that I've come up with some unorthodox ideas - adjusting the level of gravity in the cell, for instance, to cause pressure and discomfort. Seven has already used that, and the fact that I was the one that suggested it... bothers me. It seems like the Mirror Universe has had more of an influence on me than I thought. However, Seven does not seem to be bothered that I have come up with an idea like that, and she has asked me a lot about how human relationships work, in order to gain more psychological insight.

The second visitor... affects me more directly. He is the doppelganger of Chakotay, and after monitoring our status silently, requested asylum from Captain Janeway. She was *very* hesitant, considering his origins... and very uncomfortable, since he seemed to hold a great affection for her, although they had never met. His communication, coupled with the hidden feelings that the Captain had for... my Chakotay..., as well as her recent sleeplessness and nightmares, caused her to collapse from the stress. At that time, my Chakotay was with me, and I was trying to dissuade him from interfering with the Captain's decision. However, Mirror Chakotay sensed the Captain's collapse, contacted me, and transported over himself. Alarmed, I headed to the Captain's quarters, my Chakotay at my heels. We almost had a stand-off - Mirror Chakotay had the Captain in his arms, ready to carry her to Sickbay, and Chakotay had a pistol drawn on him, yelling at him to put her down. It was up to me to take charge, telling Chakotay to stand down and escorting Mirror Chakotay to Sickbay.

What has followed from that appearance has almost frayed my wits to the breaking point. My Chakotay, to my dismay, has had physical confrontations with his doppelganger, though not escalating to a full-out brawl. In those cases, Mirror Chakotay has stayed mostly calm, but uses Chakotay's feelings for the Captain to provoke him - when I spoke with him later, he said that he thought that Chakotay had been insensitive to the Captain's feelings when he started spending more time with me. It has been so hard for me, knowing my part in this; there is nothing wrong with the love that Chakotay and I share, but the past feelings that he and the Captain have shared still seem to complicate things, and with Mirror Chakotay now in the picture...

Captain Janeway, after her recovery, has spent much time with Mirror Chakotay. A lot of that has been because he is from the Mirror Universe, and has to earn trust with her and the crew. But lately... I believe she *does* trust him... and because of who he is... well, he's like me in that. He holds no rank, isn't in Starfleet, and is both compassionate and protective of his chosen person. I believe... he makes her happy. They may even start a relationship closer than friendship. As a counselor, I want my Captain's state of mind to be strong and peaceful, and if Mirror Chakotay has that effect, I don't want to discourage it.

But, Chakotay... I've tried to work with him, and even confronted him about his jealousy issues. It is... important to me, that he knows how I feel about all of this, and his role in it. I know it's selfish... but I want him all to myself. I mean... I don't want him to sacrifice his friendship with the Captain because of me... but I don't want him to act like she's the most important person in his life... because I want that to be me. This is where I feel the needs of the many are outweighed by the needs of the one... somewhat. Maybe not as much as I think; if Chakotay had his way, the Captain would remain unhappy, Mirror Chakotay would remain resentful, and I would slowly go mad because of how troubling it would all be, and everyone who knows and cares about the four of us would be affected - basically, the whole ship.

So... Chakotay knows how I feel... and he feels so ashamed for hurting me so much. I have sensed that he is gaining more controls over his jealousy, starting to accept the way the Captain is living her personal life. We have spent more time together, have had romantic dinners, gone on walks in the Holodeck... and... last night, well... it had been a long while. It felt good not to sleep alone. He had an early shift, so he left before I woke... but he left me a beautiful orchid on my bedside table. He also left a PADD there, giving a brief explanation of the significance. He mentioned how he knew how I loved roses (he had given me one earlier) - but I was secretly pleased to be given a different flower. Actually, I was really touched, because it was a gift that had a lot of thought and personal connection behind it.

I have every confidence that things will get easier, once everyone gets used to each other. It is the same sort of situation that happened when the Maquis crew merged with the Starfleet crew on this ship, just on a more personal level. And when there are problems... I will continue to try to work them out...

Oh NO. What is she doing?! She can't...